


I Saw Him Yesterday

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-06
Updated: 2004-05-06
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Life without Sunshine just isnâ€™t as good.





	I Saw Him Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

I saw him yesterday. It had been a while, and I thought that enough time had passed that he couldn’t affect me the way he used to. But wasn’t that a laugh. I saw him, and it was like being punched in the stomach. I relived the whole thing over again because how could I ever forget about him. That would be like forgetting to breathe. I was just coming out of a coffee shop with my latte when I saw him across the street with that man, the one who took him away. The one that I hate.

They were walking along, holding hands looking blissfully happy, and the whole thing made me want to throw up. I watched as they stopped to examine something in a store window, and that man whispered something into his ear that made him blush and shine that big, bright smile I used to think had been created just for me. For one moment, seeing that smile warmed the chill that has settled around me lately, even though it’s the middle of summer, but then I remembered that he’ll never smile at me that way again, and the feeling went away. When I was with him my life was full of sunshine. Now it’s cloudy with showers.

I know that it is unbelievably pathetic, but I crossed the street and started to follow them from a distance. I made sure that they couldn’t see me, but I wasn’t ready to let him disappear into the crowd again just yet. I couldn’t help myself. Gone was the aloof, superior attitude that I have always presented to the world. No one would believe it to see me trailing after the man I loved, hell, the man I still love, who is in love with someone else. I’m beginning to think that life is nothing more than a big cosmic joke gone horribly wrong. So there I was trailing after him like a lost puppy, which is not like me at all, but like I said, I couldn’t help it.

He was even more beautiful than I remembered, if that’s even possible, and he had a slight tan which surprised me since he was always so pale, but it suited him. He looked a little bit older, more relaxed, and he’d lost the jumpy, haunted look he had right at the end of our relationship, if you could even call it that. He just looked happy, and he hadn’t looked that way in a while. Too bad I couldn’t be the one to make him happy. As I followed him, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was just his arms and face that were tanned, or if the color continued down to other parts of his anatomy. Then I remembered that it really didn’t matter since I would never have a chance to look into that, so I tried my best not to think about it. But as I was lying in bed last night, you can bet that’s what I was thinking about while I jacked off.

Until I saw him yesterday, I could almost convince myself that I was doing ok without it. Ever since the night he left, I’ve kept up my normal routine, as if he had never been a part of my life, even when I felt like I was dying inside which was often. I didn’t want anyone, not even my closest friends, to know how miserable I am without him. So I’ve tried to act like it doesn’t bother me, that it’s better this way, and I thought that I was doing a pretty good job of hiding my feelings. But lately I’ve been noticing the looks that my friends exchange when they think I’m not paying attention. They’re full of pity. So maybe I’m not such a good actor after all, and I really hate pity. That’s one of the things I have no tolerance for.

After a while I stopped following them. I was afraid that if I kept it up they would see me, and how the hell would I explain that? I ended up sitting on a bench for almost an hour, just staring off into space. All I could think about was when he left. I never said anything, never tried to stop him, never told him I wanted him to stay. I’d always thought he knew. I just watched as he walked out the door and out of my life into the waiting arms of someone who could love him better than I ever could, someone who he loved more than me. Sometimes I wonder if he would have stayed if I asked him to. But that doesn’t really matter, because I didn’t when I had the chance, and I know he won’t come back. But really, I was expecting it all along. It wasn’t exactly a surprise. Even from the beginning I knew that in the end he would leave me.

Because how could I ever compare to Brian Kinney?


End file.
